How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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