She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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