I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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