There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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