Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
