Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
