i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
