Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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