The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
