after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
