Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
