she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
