Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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