I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
