ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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