Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
