you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize