Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
