and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
