Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
