I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
