I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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