The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
