he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
