Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
