If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
