pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
