ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize