Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
