When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
