Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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