Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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