i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
