this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
