"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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