can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
