I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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