1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why do cheetos always look like penises
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
