last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
