1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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