I'm eating all of the evidence.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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