Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
