from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
