I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to stick my p in your. b.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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