matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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