Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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