i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
