My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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