when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
