your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
