It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
