If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
