I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
