he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
