it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Come on in and take your pants off
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