i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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