Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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