At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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