Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize