dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize