This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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