Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
