I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
