i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I love you. Go after that dick
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
