Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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