You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cannot find my penis.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize