so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Blood and glitter go together right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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