DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
