We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
