If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Two words: blizzard sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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